


this just ain't living

by troubledsouls



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Dehumanization, Disability, Sort of graphic depictions of violence its not overly graphic but some things are disturbing, Torture, emotional dependency
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:15:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8043880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/troubledsouls/pseuds/troubledsouls
Summary: Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun of Columbus, Ohio, went missing last Saturday. If you have any information as to their whereabouts, please contact the police.    - January 14th, 2008September 8th, 2016: they are found.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just an intro, story will pick up after this

The other’s fingers fingers dart away from his own, so he quickly retracts his hand. 

The door must have opened. The other can see, so they’re the warning for when all contact must cease. They can hear, too, so they’re the warning. The warning. 

He is tied awkwardly, legs cuffed together through a loop in the floor. He's face down, and it hurts, and nothing's comfortable. His arms are free. He doesn't know why. 

Hands touch him and he doesn't squirm away, doesn't flinch. 

Something cuts the cuffs off his legs, and then rests him onto a stretcher. 

He can't see. Can't hear. Maybe someone's trying to communicate with him. His body is whole, after all. It's the other’s that is broken and bleeding, broken fingers and bloody face before his sight was taken. Soft whimpers and cries before his hearing was taken. He would talk to them, comfort them, before his speech was taken. 

His eyes are gone. His ears are destroyed. He has no tongue. 

His sense of touch tells him he is moving, from the slight jostles of whatever he's on. He's been beyond terror into a state of calm for a while now. All he's concerned about is the other, if they are okay. 

He hopes they're okay. They've been the only thing keeping him sane for a while now. 

Someone is touching his face, his ears, opening his mouth. They must not be able to tell that he's conscious. He thinks his eyelids are closed. He's been having a hard time telling things like that lately. 

He wants to get the attention, of whoever is there, so he tries to make a sound. He feels the vibrations inside himself, so he must've made some noise. 

The hands are on his face again, touching around his eyes. They lift up his eyelid, so they must've been closed. 

He's not scared. Not anymore. 

He's only scared for the other.

**********

Josh is terrified.

He'd been separated from Tyler, and Tyler needed him, and he needed Tyler, and as long as they were in contact afterwards it didn't matter that Josh was beaten until he couldn't move and it didn't matter that Tyler's eyes were torn at with pins until he couldn't see out of them, as long as they were together it was okay. 

Josh was pretty sure he was close to death. He'd watched Tyler get fed, Tyler get given water, while Josh was denied it before people came in and lifted them onto stretchers and asked questions. Josh just asked for water, food, anything. 

A cup was raised to his lips and he drank until it was gone but he still felt like he was dying. Maybe he was. 

What's your name, what's the name of the person with you, questions Josh couldn't find the energy to answer. He wanted to sleep, needed to sleep, so he closed his eyes and let darkness take him.


	2. Chapter 2

Josh wakes up in a hospital bed and immediately panics. 

Tyler isn't here, Tyler isn't near him, where is Tyler? Tyler needs him. 

Josh tries to pull out his IVs and fails. He's too weak. So he tries to sit up and that makes him dizzy beyond belief, makes pain flow into his body. 

His heart rate is rising. 

A nurse comes in and opens her mouth to speak, but Josh cuts her off. 

“Tyler.” His voice is weak. He's still trying to sit up. 

The nurse gently pushes him back down onto the bed. “Is Tyler the person you arrived with?”

“Yes, please, I need to see him.” Josh is struggling to talk. 

“You can't, I'm sorry.”

“Tyler!” Josh yells as loud as his voice can go and he begins to sit up, pain spiking. He shoves away the nurse and tries to get out of bed. 

She pushes him back down with more force and he fights, fights for the first time in years, because he needs Tyler, he needs to know that the source of his sanity is safe. 

“Please, stop! I can try and bring Tyler to you!”

Josh stills, lies back down. “Really?”

“Yes, but you need to stay still.”

Josh closes his eyes. He's in pain. 

“It hurts.”

Someone must up the dosage in his painkillers, because everything begins to get hazy, and then quiet. 

All he can focus on through the haze is Tyler.

**********

He’s beginning to be scared by the touches, by the arrangements of his limbs by the unexpected. At least the old unexpected was something he'd experienced time and time again, but this was new. This was frightening.

The rest of his waking moments are consumed by thoughts of the other, of whether they are okay, of whether they are safe. He tries to communicate this wish, but realizes that he's forgotten how to talk. He has no tongue anyways, so his words would not be understood. All he can make is what he assumes are whining noises, sounds of distress, of a being trying to communicate and failing. 

It must be upsetting for those around him. 

He doesn't remember his name, doesn't remember the name of the other, doesn't remember much at all but darkness before his eyes were destroyed, of silence before his ears were mutilated, of comforting talks to the other until his tongue was cut out. 

The other. 

He misses them. 

Not that he would know their touch from so many touches he's experiencing that feel like them. Any brush across his fingertips causes him to whine, to move towards the feeling. 

He wants the other back. 

He will do anything to get the other back. 

It takes him a moment to realize, in his brilliant plan of getting to the other, that he has no idea how to walk. 

He hasn't walked in years. 

And there are probably IVs in him, and some part of him tells him ripping out IVs is bad and that he should not do that. 

When there are touches again he summons the best of his memory and tries to speak, tries to ask for the other. He hopes he got it out understandably enough. 

Not long after he's moved, sitting upright in something, and he feels himself moving. 

When he stops moving and fingertips touch his fingertips, he knows it's the other. 

And he smiles.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters, but hopefully fast updates.

_Tyler winces as the collar is tightened around his neck, choking him just enough that it's difficult to breathe. Someone tugs on the chain attached and he falls forwards, onto his hands and knees. He's silent, semi-destroyed eyes staring at the floor. He still has some, minimal sight._

_Josh watches Tyler, eyes almost dropping shut from exhaustion and from pain._

_“Look at me.”_

_Tyler looks up towards the speaker, struggling to suck in breath._

_The speaker holds a pin in front of his face. “Do you see this?”_

_Tyler nods._

_The speaker hold the pin close to his left eye. “Words.”_

_“Yes, I see it.” Tyler gasps._

_“If you're good, you’ll get to keep your vision. Sound good?”_

_“Yes sir.” Tyler says, tears spilling out of his watering eyes. He can hardly breathe._

_The speaker twists the collar around so the chain is on the back and pulls Tyler so he's just on his knees, then attaches the chain to the wall. “Good boy.”_

_The speaker leaves, and the two are shrouded in darkness._

_Tyler reaches out. So does Josh._

_Their fingertips touch._

When the nurses begin to pull Tyler away Josh's weak form immediately begins to thrash, reaching out towards Tyler's slumped form. They have to sedate him. 

_Josh is kicked in the stomach again and again,trying to curl up but unable to because of the way he's held, arms above his head and legs straight._

_After the last kick, the person whirls towards Tyler. “You were bad. You loosened your collar.” They grab the collar and tighten it so that Tyler's air is cut off, so that he's choking. They take handcuffs and lock Tyler's hand behind his back._

_They take the pin out of their pocket and hold Tyler's right eye open._

_Josh looks away, and wishes Tyler had the air to scream._


	4. Chapter 4

When Josh wakes again, his thoughts are consumed by Tyler. 

Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler tylertylertylertyler he's safe oh god he was safe why isn't he here he needs to be safe

Josh makes a pained sound, moving as if to get out of bed.

Someone's there almost immediately, pressing him back down. “No, Josh.”

“Tyler.” Josh gasps

“I know.” The nurse says. “He's okay.”

Josh's vision goes dark again. 

He wakes up to a presence by his side. 

He turns his head and Tyler is there. Josh nearly cries from joy. 

He touches bandaged fingers to Tyler's free ones, and Tyler makes a soft noise. 

“I'm here.” Josh says, and he's crying, body shaking and tears spilling down his cheeks. “I'm here, Tyler, I'm here, I'm here.”

_“It's okay, Tyler, it's okay.” Josh has no idea if Tyler can hear him. They're touching, and Tyler's ears are bleeding, and he's crying from pain._

_Tyler cries for hours until his throat is dry, until his jaw hurts so bad it makes him keep sobbing._

_It stops when he sleeps, finally, blood and tears drying on his face._

_“I'm here.” Josh continues to whisper. “I'm here, I'm here.”_

His only sense is of someone next to him, someone gently touching his fingers, and he knows it's the other, knows it like he knows…

Like he knows the other. 

The other is all he is. 

He tries to speak, and hopes the other will understand him. 

He tries to say that he is here. 

_“I'm here.” Tyler whispers. His throat is dry, he's thirsty and hungry beyond belief, but he knows Josh is somehow worse, that Josh has been denied for longer than he has._

_Josh feels like something is clawing his stomach open, like his tongue is sticking to the roof of his mouth. He can hardly make noise, hardly do anything but lie there and listen to Tyler's words._

_“It's okay, I'm here Josh, I'm here.” Tyler watches the door, because Josh's closed eyes cannot. “It's gonna be okay.”_

_He's lying, but it makes them both feel better._

Josh listens to Tyler's broken, warped voice, one rusted from disuse and almost unintelligible, but it's comforting. 

He moves himself closer to Tyler, which makes him abruptly stop talking. Josh almost moves away, but then Tyler starts again, babbling that hardly forms anything coherent. 

There are people watching them, but Josh doesn't care. 

He listens to Tyler, and he's safe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yey


	5. Chapter 5

“There's someone here to see you.” A nurse tells Josh as she helps him sip from a cup of water. 

A woman enters the room, steps up to the side of the bed, and Josh is confused. She looks like someone he should recognize, someone he should know by heart, but he doesn't and it's distressing. 

“Hey.” The lady says. She seems awkward, like she isn't sure she's in the right place. 

It suddenly clicks in Josh's head who she is. 

“Mom…”

“Honey…” She wipes her eyes, then sits in the chair next to the hospital bed. 

She looks so much older than the image Josh's hazy memories give him. 

Tyler stirs slightly beside Josh. Josh gently squeezes his hand. 

“I, uh, I don't know what to say.” She sniffs, gently laying a hand on his bandaged arm. “You've, you've been gone for so long.”

She speaks like Josh has been on vacation, has been living somewhere else out of his own volition. 

_Josh screams and writhes as his skin burns, a lighter pressed against his arm._

_He can vaguely hear Tyler's distress from being kicked, dead senses unknowing of Josh's torment._

_Josh screams and screams as the majority of his upper arm is burned._

“Josh?”

He turns away from his mom and towards Tyler. “I… I can't do this right now.”

“Okay.” She sounds hurt. 

Josh can't find it within himself to care. 

He listens as she walks out of the room. 

Tyler opens his unseeing eyes a few minutes later, head turning towards Josh as though he's trying to see. 

“Hey.” Josh says, even though he knows Tyler can't hear him. 

Tyler makes whines of distress, the hand not held by Josh moving, moving…

His fingers brush against Josh's face, and his hand freezes. 

Josh closes his eyes as Tyler's fingers run over his nose, his mouth, his eyes. 

Tyler begins to cry, weak little sobs that have Josh instinctively wrap his arms around Tyler and pull the other close.

Tyler presses himself close to Josh, touch-starved body craving closeness. 

They're okay, even if it's just for a moment, they're okay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Lena+Jackson for reminding me this fic exists

When Josh wakes up, Tyler is gone. 

He almost panics, but then there's someone laying a hand on his arm and he turns and it's his mom. 

“He's in surgery to try and restore his hearing.” She says softly. “He’ll be back soon.”

Relief washes over Josh, relief and joy. Tyler's going to be alright. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks him. 

“Tired.” Josh responds, and it's the truth. It's a kind of existential tiredness that's been weighing in his bones for the past few years. 

“Do you need to sleep some more?”

“I wanna be awake when Tyler comes back.” Josh's voice is rusty. 

“Okay. I think he’ll be back soon.”

It's comforting for Josh to have another person with him, even though it's not Tyler. Being alone is more terrifying than being without Tyler, and the two often coincide to bring Josh terror beyond what his mind can handle. 

“Can you…” his mother seems lost for words. “Can you tell me some of what happened?”

_Josh knows there's someone else in the truck because he can hear quiet sobs behind the duct tape over their mouth._

_His lip hurts where the duct tape is pressing his lip ring into his teeth, and silent tears drip out of his eyes._

_He doesn't know where they are being taken._

_He's not sure if he wants to know._

“I… not yet.” Josh closes his eyes and struggles to stay in the moment. 

“You can tell me when you're ready.” His mom says. 

“Yeah. I will.” Josh knows that's an empty promise. 

When they bring in Tyler, Josh immediately tries to sit up and grab him. A nurse pushes him down, and Josh stills. 

Tyler’s gently laid down next to him, and Josh nearly cries. Tyler's safe, Tyler's with him, Tyler's safe. 

“He’ll wake up soon. Be careful.” The nurse tells Josh. 

Josh barely hears her. He's transfixed on the gentle bandaging over Tyler's ears. 

“He can hear?” Josh asks, voice quiet. 

“It's very likely.”

Josh feels like he's glowing. Tyler will be able to hear him. Josh will be able to talk to him to keep him safe. 

They'll be safe.


	7. Chapter 7

He is very confused when he wakes up able to hear. 

There's a gentle beeping and slight movements, and he hasn't heard in so so long that he immediately begins to cry, and he can hear that too, and it's terrifying and exhilarating all at once. 

There's movement beside him, then gentle hands touching him. “Tyler?”

Tyler, Tyler, he is Tyler, how could he have forgotten that?

“Can you hear me?”

Tyler nods and reaches out for the other, hands fisting in his shirt. 

The other has a name, and it comes back to Tyler. 

Josh. 

Tyler tries to speak through his sobs, but all that comes out is a garbled mess. Josh understands, and he pulls Tyler close even though it's obviously hurting him. 

Tyler can hear, Tyler can hear, oh god he can hear. He and Josh can talk, can communicate, they can be each other’s worlds even more. 

“I have you, you're safe.” Josh whispers. “Never gonna let my Tyler go.”

Tyler cries hard until a nurse comes in and sedates him, and then he sleeps in Josh's arms. Josh holds him, keeps him safe. He doesn't sleep, just protects his Tyler, his Tyler who can hear, his Tyler who is healing just like Josh. 

When Tyler wakes up again, in the morning, he clings silently to Josh. 

“Hey.” Josh whispers. 

Tyler tries an approximation of a hello. It works, sort of. It's good enough. 

“You can hear.” Josh gently touches one of Tyler's ears in awe. 

Tyler nods slightly, blind hands reaching up to cup themselves over Josh's ears. 

Josh laughs a little, before devolving into coughs. 

Tyler makes a noise of distress, hands pulling away from Josh and body shifting back. Josh turns away from Tyler, body heaving with his coughs. They make his body flare up in pain. 

A nurse comes in and leans down by Josh, talking in a soft voice that Tyler can't quite make out. Josh's coughs eventually stop, and Tyler reaches out to him with shaking hands. 

Josh's body is quivering, tense, until he relaxes and is rolled onto his back. Tyler wants to hold him, but he settles on finding Josh's hand and touching their fingertips together. 

They're safe. 

They're trying to be safe.


End file.
